When Grad School and Bridezilla are Incommensurate

The topic of this blog is a most unpleasant one. When you are so caught up with work full time AND PhD full time, some things just slip away. Of course, you expect family to have your back. And mine does, with the exception of BRIDEZILLA.

Here is the story: my niece, living in Vancouver invited our family to her wedding. There are three of us, so we are talking $2000 in airfare. I have not seen my brother and sister in eight years, so I wanted to go. Finally, I saved the money, asked my sister if it was too late to RSVP (the wedding is in one month), and she said we will make it work (of course – that is what sisters do). I did not commit earlier because we live so far away, it was both difficult and expensive. I cannot take extra time off in May because I teach high school full time.  We have a school policy that places a ban on extracurricular activities in May, which meant that I truly had only the weekend off, and 2 of the days are in the air. Then, I am defending my competency papers, which first had to be written, submitted and so on. I set a date for the defense, at the end of April. So yeah – the RSVP was 2 ½ weeks past the deadline. And my niece replied with the following: “Unfortunately, as the deadline we set to R.S.V.P. for our wedding was almost three weeks ago, we are no longer able to accommodate these additional numbers.” My mother volunteered to phone the caterer, because we all know that caterers are thrilled to add plates. And the venue – outdoors under a tent. Easy to accommodate 3 extra people. So me and my kids bought the air tickets, are ready to go, and bam! Not going. The whole thing is made uglier because it is my father’s 80th birthday the day of the wedding and he has multiple health issues, and this would have been the last time we are together as a family.

Now, I ask, who does that? Bridezilla, my niece. Two years into my PhD, I thought I achieved the balance between work, study, and family. Actually, I still think so. Time management – oh yes. So important. Every paper in on time, all work and school deadlines met. One family thing, a bit late. She, Bridezilla, a close family member could not budge one iota.


Banner Image by Heather McPherson.


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